Sometimes I wonder if I'm even really human. My perceptions of things are so different from everyone else's that I know my brain doesn't work like other humans. Then there was that incident, when I was about six years old,1954 or so, and I would not "stop babbling" about what happened with Father Horne and it was becoming an embarrassment for the family and my dad let me ride in the back of a dump truck then "accidentally" dumped me out the back, in fact I was dead for a while lying on the ground behind the truck as people at the dump gathered, and then I "popped back to life" my aunt later said.
So many things in my life have been strange and unexplainable since then, including several times where I should have ended up dead but didn't, that I sometimes think I'm not really human. That at that point in time at the dump "little Kathy" died and I arrived and took over her body but inside I'm not really human.
So now I sit in incredible comfort and contentment in South Lake Tahoe, one of the most beautiful places on Earth, still, and a place where I already decided I had to just be patient and bide my time while I wait a few years to come up on a waiting list for a place like this one, but in my hometown in Hollywood.
Meanwhile, since about last June I'd decided to just stay to myself while I live here, because I don't really fit in with the locals in this rural small Northern California town. Then the Covid pandemic hit, which meant everybody in the town was pretty much staying home isolating, and my lifestyle was not weird or unusual, in fact, I'm really good at social distancing, I had already cut most people out of my life mid 2019.
I know I knew something bad was going to happen.
In the years leading up to March 2017 when I got into senior subsidized housing here, I knew something bad was going to happen- I figured a fire or climate catastrophe or political turmoil under Trump- and if I didn't straighten out my living situation in time, I'd suffer. I got in here in time to cut myself off from everyone. I developed a kind of bad taste in my mouth about humans.Isolation drove my life.
So now I'm in one of the safest places a person can be during a pandemic, hidden in the woods, with delivery available of everything I need, and great bandwidth compared to other places in USA especially rural places.
In Tahoe I can keep my windows open all year around all day long, the air is clean here and not hot unlike almost every other place on Earth where it's getting more and more polluted and heated every year.
So I'm in a good place. I was planning an escape from USA last fall when I fell and could not walk for a couple months, otherwise I might have been in a strange foreign country when the pandemic hit. So whoever has been rescuing me and keeping me alive since that day in the early 1950s at the Bartlett Illinois dump is still watching over me. I would have to go out of my way to contract Covid from where I am right now. How many people can say that?
So I'm grateful. Scared and lonely but grateful.
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