Every time the DOJ or Dems try a way to put the brakes on Trump, immediately Trump’s people have an antidote. It's as if they know in advance how the DOJ or local judges are going to respond, like the Trumpers are carrying out strategies they planned decades ago. In fact getting Donald Trump elected was likely just part of their attack.
And now we are all playing out their script.
Who is “we”? who is “they”?
I wish I didn't care. Wish I could just hang out on a
couch and watch TV but I don't have a couch or a TV
They knew in advance what would happen if they got Trump in office in 2016, and they've been manipulating events to go their way since then. Now enemies of USA are sitting in a cave somewhere laughing at Americans as we fall for one of their traps after another as they manipulate the destruction of one American right and privilege after another.
Emotionally living through this coup is especially difficult for me, and curiously strange. Because at the same time as I'm having to disconnect from any emotional bond to my nation. . .
the USA that I sacrificed in many ways at many times in my life to serve, that I've felt deep attachment to since preteen years-
at the same time I'm having to let that inherent patriotism go. . .
I'm having to let go of my daughter. She has chosen the
streets of L.A. over me. When she cut me
off with no explanation last Christmas, I realized, she is sending me a message
that she does not want to say out loud, though she has said it out loud to me
before.
She's telling me she does not want me in her life. I
think she does not want me to see how bad it got for her.
So I have to let her go. Naranon meetings are helping.
At the same time my nation does not want me in its
sphere of concern.
So I have to let go of the United States at the same time I let go of my daughter. I don't usually blog about topics this personal, but I doubt many readers will get this far, I doubt my daughter or son will ever read this, but it just helps to know I wrote it, published it, and in so doing, made it reality.
***
Strange.
***
Also at the same time I have a dental cap in the front of my mouth that has come loose and I want it to fall out but it is grounded in deep. It's the third of four porcelain caps I got in the 1980s in L.A. that has fallen out of my mouth last few months, leaving me with goofy looking gaps in my mouth that would be embarrassing except that I don't smile much these days, so no one sees them.
This one cap just gets a little more loose every day but no matter how much I wiggle it, it won’t come out. I have a feeling when this cap finally comes out, I will have made a lot more progress in the mourning process I'm going through with my daughter and my nation.
Hope so.
***
One more note just if anyone ever reads this…
Everything was fine between me and my daughter, and my adult son who lives in Idaho, until around 2011-12.
I was in Chicago then doing “investigative journalism” trying to dig up proof of my case against the Chicago archdiocese for letting me be sexually assaulted over and over again by one of their priests, in Bartlett, when I was a little girl.
I was just starting to make progress on my case. At least I had found enough evidence to prove to myself
that it all really did happen, and I was trying to find evidence to prove the crimes
to other people.
Naively I was writing about the whole “investigation” experience
on my blog and anyone could read it.
Within a few days of each other, right after I wrote a post there in my little room in Chicago saying I now know my case really did happen, suddenly both my children cut me off.
Over Facebook.
It upset me so bad that I ended my “investigation” and came back home to L.A. as soon as I could to try to fix whatever went wrong.
I never got the chance.
Neither of my adult children has spoken or opened up in any way to me since then.
Then this year just as I thought my daughter and I were going to start healing, she at least had let me know where she was living and given me a phone number I could use to reach her---
She cut me off again. At Christmas time.
And I just know but cannot prove that the Church did something to cause both my children to cut me off at the same time that way. I never did finish my investigation...
***
I never returned to Chicago, never finished my “investigation” and I will never stop believing that the Church did something SOMETHING to make both my adult children turn against me with no explanation at that same time.
Back on topic for this blog post.
So while I live through the USA self destructing, I'm having to let go of hope that I’ll ever reunite with either of my children…
I have to let go of all of it- my nation, my family, my front tooth cap— all at the same time, and find something new to hold onto. Meanwhile I keep wiggling and wiggling the loose tooth cap, anticipating a relief when it all finally breaks free of me.
I have to accept that I may never know what really happened, to my family or my nation.
***
With the military might of the U.S. DOD, who’d a thunk our nation would be brought down by an orange clown. We have 10 times more nuclear weapons than any other nation, yet it only took carefully worded tweets by Russian propagandists to get Americans to self destruct.
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