My Will

When I die, and I will eventually, I leave all my DVDs and books to the El Dorado public library, South Lake Tahoe branch.
-Kathryn Joan Ebeling

USA et Roma

The USA lost 4, 5(?) wars last 50 years and with incredible hubris declares itself still a victor. But looking all around, dealing with institutions, I see a third world nation in the making, a banana republic, where you will have to always keep a stash of cash on hand to bribe or otherwise buy needed services that used to be done by govt. Budgets are draining and in every city we have humans living on streets, begging. We Are a third world nation and we are vulnerable, like Panama decades ago. Glad i live near a lake

“Beauty is a world of its own, it has a godly license,” says Karen Stone in The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone by Tennessee Williams. 
The USA today resembles post World War Two Italy in many ways. With our faded grandeur, long gone honor, and crumbling buildings and roads, Americans claim to still own an elegance that is actually no longer there.

In France there are massive violent protests now over a gas tax meant to get people to stop burning diesel fuel. Middle class French people (the original bourgeoisie) are outraged that they may have to change driving habits in the French government's small effort to stop global warming, and right now the bourgeoisie are burning down the Champs d'Elysee. 
Which shows me, there's no place left to go. 
Just ride it out (and ride my town's new electric buses) knowing at least I'm not contributing to the problem even though it really is too late to save the planet. That's the saddest part. Only persons who will be able to live comfortably on Earth in twenty five years or so are residents of higher latitudes such as Russia.
thanks, Vladimir.
(oops, Vlad, you goofed. The Arctic is spewing methane where there used to be ice. Won't be comfortable there either. sigh.)

I am still shadow blocked on Twitter. I was posting about how Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal, co-founder of Fox, also funded start-up of Twitter and ever since, the only posts I write on Twitter that can be read are in comments. I have no idea how to get a shadow block lifted, but I think it may be bk I ID'd myself on home page as a former PAO* for the US government and Trump backed by Russia/Saudis first act as President was fire all the PAO's.
This ain't the USA anymore. Like I used to say two years ago and am saying again now. I am not a US citizen anymore, I just live in Tahoe.
*
*PAO: Public Affairs Officer (or staff), the ones who inform public and press what the US government is doing. All fired first week Trump was in office so fast almost no one heard about it...
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Kay Ebeling

November 29 at 6:59 AM · 

Americans were shocked when Monica Lewinski blew Bill Clinton under a desk in the Oval Office, yet no one seems to mind now when Donald Trump does the same thing to Vladimir Putin.

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Since one of the smarter women in my senior apt bldg announced Sunday she's still boycotting football bk of how disrespectful some players are during the National Anthem, I have been muttering to myself, "How is taking a knee and bowing in prayer being disrespectful?" But after bad experiences in last two housing places I've lived like this, where I had to leave bk hostility towards me from neighbors got so bad, i bit my tongue.
I just now identified one feeling I have since Trump took office: Americans are now billiard balls rolling in all different directions because of a really bad pool player with a stick that needs more chalk.

• Trump is a Trojan Horse

• Trump the Trojan Horse, continued
• Trump Is A Trojan Horse (2917 edition) 

Trump the Trojan Horse continues his destruction of USA from within

https://www.npr.org/…/federal-deficit-jumps-17-percent-as-t…

About this website

NPR.ORG

Federal Deficit Jumps 17 Percent As Tax Cuts Eat Into Government Revenue

The federal deficit ballooned to $779 billion in the fiscal year just ended — a remarkable tide of red ink for a country not mired in recession or war.

Americans were shocked when Monica Lewinski blew Bill Clinton under a desk in the Oval Office, yet no one seems to mind now when Donald Trump does the same thing to Vladimir Putin. 

Mexico ends up paying for the wall after all

Wow, Trump was right. Mexico IS paying for the border wall, by taking on the entire burden of housing and care of refugees from Central America, allowing people in USA to ignore this global crisis and buy more cars and hamburgers.

Trump the Trojan Horse, continued

I've changed so much in the past two years. It's hard for me to even CARE about the Catholic Church and its cast of perverts right now, which I covered for 10 years at my other blog. Now I watch as the USA is under information warfare attack, which is likely being run by Putin and his country full of spy professionals, but is likely funded by Saudis. Right now, the war on USA by messaging is on the uptake, accelerating, becoming more bold and more aggressive, and we HAVE to stop trying to make sense of what our President is doing. He's not working for USA. I'm just afraid of what it will be like in ten years when Russia and Saudi Arabia have accomplished their goals here.
Trump is a Trojan Horse, slipped into our country through a weird election, and now every time he opens his mouth it's like little soldiers pouring out of the Trojan horse's body, going on attack and doing more and more damage to USA.
As someone who once served in the Naval Air Reserves and worked full time for the federal government, who once was patriotic and believed in democracy, I am astounded by how quickly our nation is being attacked and torn down.
The one similarity between what happened in the Catholic Chu-rch and what is happening to USA now is the way the humans most affected just sit there and DO NOTHING, so are just letting it happen.
But in terms of what is important and relevant now, it's much WORSE for me to watch my country be attacked and destroyed the way the Trump presidency is destroying us than it was for me to learn of the hundreds of thousands of pedophile priest crimes in the last century.
So glad I'm living now on top of a mountain where it would be hard for the tanks to get to me. I'm seriously scared.
-Kay Ebeling
On top of California, watching it all happen
* See also Trump is a Trojan Horse July 2018
And Trump is a Trojan Horse May 2017
Background from Malcolm Nance: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1357240287697261&set=a.142932949128007.37772.100002339085623&type=3 

“Russia fully understood the potential of the internet age to mold perceptions and create its own reality, and information warfare is a central tenet of Russian political, diplomatic, and military operations.  The internet age has just sped up the time that propaganda – both innocent and malicious – can infect the global information flow and corrupt whatever target Vladimir Putin desires.” (Malcolm Nance writing in The Plot to Hack America, published June 2016, p. 41)

Nance also predicted after Trump’s election that since Putin’s disinformation warfare had been so successful, the attacks would accelerate and become more sophisticated. 

We are living in that time now.

-ke

PTSD causes auto immune disease

PTSD causes auto immune disease I am learning as I experience it. My own body is attacking itself. Even though I'm trying to not think about the traumatic stuff, it comes in my email, it comes in with the news. I'm really suffering these days with, strangely enough, Allergies to Everything now along with pain in my legs, my joints deteriorating. I'm trying to live healthy, eat healthy, but then wonder what good does it do when every time I turn on the News, there is a bishop pretending to care about the pedophile priest victims or pundits babbling about "sexual abuse." I wish they'd shut up and talk about real news like Hog farms overflowing effluent into the ground water, and climate catastrophes, but instead it's sex sex sex and rape rape rape, triggering me over and over. This connection between the brain and the body is mysterious and powerful. At least I'm in a comfortable safe place to live at Tahoe Senior Plaza while I go through this. When I moved here, I quit using MedMJ because I just don't like the "side effects" I don't like being "high" and losing my keys all the time, etc, plus it Costs Too Much and I was coughing so bad. Quitting weed may be why things are so bad right now. But I'm also amazed that even when you consciously try not to Dwell on the thing causing the trauma, your body keeps the PTSD going despite your brain's efforts.
weird

My image of USA's future

In a crumbling infrastructure, under employed Americans with rotting teeth, bone thin from a diet of mostly methamphetamine and skin covered with rashes from lack of health care, drive 20 year old smoking vehicles, as public transit has all but disappeared.  
Cars adorned with American Flags bounce through potholes. Everywhere there are MAGA billboards with Trump's fat face, still president as no one remembers when the last election took place. One can barely see the horizon in all the smog and wildfire smoke. 
That's where we are headed, in fact, my neighborhood is almost there now.

And still I Tweet

@cityofangelsfem 2m2 minutes ago

While Americans played games and "friended" on Facebook. Russia made internet into a weapon and turned it against its creator, USA. Americans still have not even figured out what is happening to them.

Trump is a Trojan Horse

Trump is a Trojan Horse. Every time he opens his mouth more cyber soldiers pour out over USA attacking us. Until we see Trump Himself as a Weapon being used against us, we will not be able to stop him. PS Trojan Horse in history was near area now called Iraq.

This is our Handmaid's Tale Moment (Michael Moore and Bill Maher, June 29, 2018)

This is our Handmaid's Tale Moment. (Michael Moore on Bill Maher from Friday 6/29, a rough quick transcript)
M: Can I make a serious point? [SIGHS] In the Handmaid’s Tale, Bill, best part of the show are the flashbacks where she tries to figure out where was the point where things start to break. 
B: That's how fascism works. We lose one norm a week. 
M: We have a president who by the way was not elected by the people and is constantly referring to himself in the Third Reich.
B: You and I were on this page before anybody else that he could run and probably would. Maybe they'll listen to us now.
M: But seriously, they have to listen. People, where are you, you have to listen this time. Because he is going to win the 2020 election.
B: Even if he doesn't, he's not going to leave.
M: He won’t leave after the second term, if nobody stops him. This man believes in being President for life. He said a few weeks ago, Roosevelt got four terms, why can’t I. He loves President Xi, President Kim, the dictators. If we don’t stop it now, we'll be looking back at this show where we were all goofing around talking about the Handmaid’s Tale. This is the moment.
We have to find ways to stop the Supreme Court nominee vote from happening. I'll join people standing in front of the Capitol to prevent it. If this judge goes through, for the rest of all of our lives, it's a right wing court. Then if this is the last American President… I know, I know McConnell is going to call the vote and what are we going to do. The Republicans don’t think like that. They've got millions of dollars behind them, why can't we do that (screw the rules)? We tell the truth....

YOUTUBE.COM

Michael Moore: Fahrenheit 11/9 | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)

Subscribe to the Real Time YouTube: http://itsh.bo/10r5A1B Filmmaker and activist Michael…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlbOmDLqcw4
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Posted by: Kay Ebeling· 

The slow moving coup is truly moving slowly but I think Michael Cohen is trying to stop Trump from doing what Cohen knows Trump is about to do.
Since pundits everywhere are trying to figure out why Cohen did the "weird" interview with George Stephanopoulos, that's this retired pundit's take on it all.
A few people who know what Trump is up to from inside may find a conscience and try to stop him. But it does to me seem like Trump is barreling forward and WTF is he going to meet with Putin about later this month.
Glad I'm hiding in the woods and not dependent on US govt for too much... too much... too much..

*****

Posted by Kay Ebeling
the city of angels is everywhere, but under a dark cloud today)

tortured americans

Degradation is a form of torture USA performed in Abu Graib. Our current president is a weapon of information warfare, hitting Americans daily with shame and humiliation. None of these shocking embarrassing acts by Trump is happening by accident.

Personal stuff while I pack for another move

My life is an endless test flight. I keep taking off, going into uncharted territory, holding on as the shaking vehicle rumbles me to a stable place. Then I land, cruise for a while, looking for the next takeoff point. But today the vehicle is ready to make a landing, and it looks like this “senior” place near Tahoe airport will let me in. Still I have some low lying foliage to get through before I hit the landing site, and there still could be a bomber on my right or left, so I have to stay alert, still. The vehicle is capable to take off again, it really needs maintenance, but if it has to, I will take off again and head north, may drop off some weight in Reno and switch to a lighter transport device. Next few days I'm just coasting above the foliage, preparing for the next acceleration. Wherever I end up, the materials inside have to be boxed up. Or when I take off on next flight, I'll lose too much of the few assets I'm carrying.
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Settling in to watch the deconstruction of my nation, stopping myself from posting more harangues about the newest Trump act. I had the joy of transcribing an hour long interview with Dinesh D’Souza a while back, and because of today’s “pardon” just hearing D’Souza’s voice on a news clip today gives me the visceral sense memory of the horror I felt as I worked in my room on that job, hearing what was in the depths of that man’s soul.
When not transcribing, I have spent last three years hitting my keyboard at every new shock of the Trump administration, dating back to before his coup overtook the 2016 election.
It does no good. It's like asking my alcoholic neighbor next door to let me get the sleep I need during the day. Approaching Trumpsters with logic being clear and concise with facts does not work. The person on the receiving end of your communication is not going to hear you, no matter what you say. Instead you can expect a knee-jerk response, sound bites straight from the President or Fox News. Or now, Dinesh D’Souza. The stranglehold over information in USA is uncanny.
Something has made half of Americans into zombies, the rest of us are just starting to figure out how to deal with it, and for me approaching age seventy, what is there to do other than hunker down, secure in place.
At some point someone will have to do more. But in meantime, watching Trump deconstruct things as critical as the CIA and FBI makes me feel… intimidated scared. Who is going to step into those agencies and what are they going to do?
A power greater than me or even my local congressman is in charge, and letters to the editor at this point are a waste of energy. I have to pack for my next move in two weeks. I'm still leaving open the option of Canada but will probably just go into senior housing, protected by HUD, while it still exists.

There, I'm going into listening mode. Real journalists keep their own mouths shut and just listen. Time for me to assume that persona for a while.

I still have that option of Canada open, haven't signed the lease yet.
Still feeling hinky like something could go wrong and I'll be on the street with no option but Reno in 2 weeks. Will feel better when I sign that lease. I'll be able to save cash living there. Then go to Canada...

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The older you get, the less people your age there are around. So Now I get why seniors move into housing with other seniors. Life shuffles and bangs us around. If you manage to make it to seventy, you want to regroup to be with the other survivors.

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Moving helps. You leave bad feelings behind with the dirtying rugs and dust gathering in corners. You carefully pack the things you want to take with you, even clean them better than usual before wrapping them in paper and placing them in a new clean U-Haul box. You know next time you see that little statue, you will be unpacking it in a new clean place.
Just now a memory from 2015 popped up on Facebook, me crying about Lizzie. Today as I saw the Facebook “memory,” I did not go right into crying, like I did all the time three years ago. Somehow I’d left those tears behind two apartments back and now another move makes all that sadness even farther away.
Moving often helps.

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In the news, two chubby dictators join hands over Happy Meals, North Korea sees McDonalds and KFC as a great way to create jobs for its people unlike the nukes, which are dirtying their landscape. Soon there will be a Disney Nuke Theme Park built on the remains of NK weapons caches.

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RANT: It's almost over.
Spent last 2 afternoons listening to the Banshee on crack next door shouting, not willing to go outside and ask her to stop bk it does no good and I'm moving in 2 weeks or so only have that much longer to put up with it. BUT I know it's affected my health, never sleeping more than 4 hours in 2 plus years, isn't this a torture technique. It astounds me that no one will do anything about it. She's drunk but she knows what she's doing. When someone complains about the noise, she's upstairs in the bedroom of the "building manager" for a few hours and then 2 days later she's outside drunk shouting again. Nothing happens. The "manager" seems to be drunk too just quieter, and apparently getting blown so what does he care. It astounds me that a 70 year old woman like me who still has to work nights and needs sleep, also has to live next door to this, and no one does anything about it. My heart races as I lie there wishing she'd shut the fuck up. Meanwhile in 2 years I've lived here, she's gone from blond to stringy gray, same dead strands hanging on her face, which has gone from kind of pretty to a fright mask. Two more weeks and I'll be with people who care about each other, in a building managed where drunken hollering tenants are the ones who have to move out. It'll be over soon and going outside and hollering at her does no good at all. Talking to her kindly does no good either. Once she's drunk she's drunk and nothing else matters. Except that she has to YELL to everyone who walks by about what a fun time she's having. People move in, get fed up, and move out. I think the landlord keeps her here bk they make money by then keeping desperate running tenants' security deposits. They will make a good grand on me, bk I'm leaving as soon as I can and I've paid well into June rent. Plus they have a 2-months security deposit I gave when I moved in, I'll probably never see it. That's the business model all over USA now. There is nothing in my lease about how the deposit will be returned. Can't wait to check out of this shit hole, literally, where if you flush your toilet paper, the shit comes up from a hole in front of your door. Aargh, people are making money off of this building, a company in China owns it, YAY USA hope I can just tune out the rest of the city once I get in Senior Housing. I'll see my neighbor now and then bk the bus passes near here. I'll watch her wrinkle and age and get a snarlier look on her face over the next year. but soon I won't have to listen to her BS billowing in my window and filling my life with her chaos, shouting with several people around her going waaawaa waa agreeing with her. She is a perpetual motion machine that keeps drugs and booze in her house by keeping people from the street in her house. Soon I won't have to witness this anymore, yeah. Last few days it's been especially bad bk she goes after visiting children like a Grimm's Fairy Tale witch. Those tenants will likely move out next month too, bk no one will do anything about the crazy drunk lady who literally CRASHES family events other tenants are trying to have and starts touching and playing with the children. Can't wait to go where I don't have to witness this anymore.
Yesterday other tenants were trying to have a family party and there was Banshee on Crack hollering and singing getting right in the middle of it going "ring around the rosy" with the children. I don't get why people let her near their kids. It literally makes me sick can't wait will have my move in date today I think. 
I think those kids will have nightmares about her the rest of their life. This woman looks like a cat who's been run over and somehow got up and kept going. She reeks of stale cigarettes and malt liquor 
She looks like the momma in Throw Momma from the Train, literally.

She was pretty and blond 2 years ago and has deteriorated to Momma on the train. I'll have to drop by the neighborhood now and then to see how much more awful she's gotten to look. "Ring around the rosy cackle cackle cackle" I will never forget that. It's great material for an antagonist in a future story.

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Perhaps Earth’s fate is to be a planet of short round laughing people, licking their fingers from Kentucky Fried, farting to produce electricity, and shouting racist jokes at each other, BUT making each other laugh while blowing up own nukes. Maybe we all need to be like Trump and shout politically incorrect jokes at each other so we can end up loving each other, as long as there's plenty of fast food around. Chocolate cake, don’t forget the chocolate cake. The whole planet will be Trumpified, loving our chocolate cake, thinking our race is best but fucking everyone and anyone in meantime … why not.

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Packing, found notes I had on refrigerator about 1.5 years ago when I decided to wait on moving to Canada: “You're safe here, wait until June 2018 then see what happens.”
Well. .
***
I keep watching film linked below over and over on YouTube, probably because whatever economic thing we're entering, movies about The Great Depression suddenly seem current.

"They Shoot Horses Don’t They?"  I found two uploads of the 1969 film but Disney recently took the other one down, claiming it contained some content they own. This one will probably only last a few more months because Disney doesn't have enough money…

Watching Red Buttons do a Desperate for pennies Tap Dance is reason enough to watch this film at 14:10 in video.Also I spring for YouTube Red so I get it with no ads. The version without Red may have lots of ad breaks. It's worth it to buy YouTube Red as one’s brain can only take so much.

They Shoot Horses, Don't They? (1969) - With Greek Subtitles

Σπαραχτική εικόνα της Αμερικής στην περίοδο της μεγάλης…

YOUTUBE.COM

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Posted by

Kay Ebeling

Writing City of Angels Blog since 2007, not just from L.A., as the city of angels is everywhere.

The Big Thud revisited

Kay Ebeling

May 26 at 1:32pm · 

I've had the rug pulled out from under me so many times that I'm still not certain I'm moving into Tahoe Senior Plaza. Even though the manager talked to my past five years landlords and even though all three said they were sending documents one needs to get into a HUD senior project, even though I talked to one of them and he said he was sending it that afternoon, I am still sitting here scared that it won’t happen.
Honest that's what the last ten years of my life has done to me. I'm scared, distrust everyone, think people will scheme to work against me. Still. Because that did happen to me when I was doing City of Angels Blog about the pedophile priests from 2007 to about 2015 when I quit and all the weird stuff happening in my life came to a stop. Mostly. It’s so bad that as I learn more about Black Cube, the Israeli private spy corporation that helped get Trump elected, I see some of the tactics they have used politically in things that happened to me, especially when I was living in Chicago. “They sent operatives” to fuck with people’s lives, reports NBC. I know that several of the people who were in my life during those years were operatives, and I know something weird happened to Lizzie while I was in Chicago that was paid for by that archbishop, I just know it. Sometimes you feel something and know it's true, but you can't prove it. So I'm in a state of fear and perpetual distrust even now.
As I plan to move into my third senior project, I have to train myself to keep my mouth shut. Last thing I want is to effect a Big Thud, which was what used to happen every time I mentioned I was writing about the pedophile priests as one of the victims. Whatever conversation or activity was going on in a room came to a stop with a big thud.
Then after that, half the people hated me.
That years long experience gave me the perspective that the Catholic Church did an amazing job of convincing its members that the pedophile priest victims were pulling some kind of con, it wasn’t as big a deal as everyone says, kind of like what I say about Harvey Weinstein, which personally I've found perplexing so have been trying to keep my mouth shut about that too.
Lately while riding the Number Fifty bus on Sundays, I've seen many of my future neighbors from the senior place get on there and get off at the Catholic Church. Several locals do signs of the cross every time the bus passes the church. Crazy Mary who complains I smell of marijuana goes there more than once a week, always on Sunday, I think she still wears that safari hat.
Catholics are everywhere and I still have this thing that follows me everywhere I go, where anyone with an internet connection can Google my name and find the blog I wrote about the pedophile priests and it's caused me to Have To Move from the last two senior housing projects I lived in, one in Elgin one in Lancaster. One guy in Lancaster got so hostile to me after he found out I was a vocal pedophile priest “survivor” that he’d chase me around the grounds in his electric wheelchair scowling at me. He spied on me. I'd look up and see him looking in my window. He also volunteered on Sundays with children at the Catholic Church that was across the street from that apartment building.
So right now, today as I sit here having to wait at least until Tuesday maybe a couple days more before I have a definite move in date, I was actually crying a few minutes ago. Because I can't feel secure YET.
Because the rug has been pulled out from under me so many times, over and over, that I just expect it.
Maybe more than my apartment is about to change.
Or
I still have an exit plan. If I don't move in there for some reason, I'm sure as hell not staying in this awful apartment with hollering crazy neighbors. So still have to start packing
I still have an exit plan, three of them actually, from last years of thinking of moving. Maybe I was crying because now I'll never move to Vancouver.
Hmm. Here is what I wrote about The Big Thud few years back: 

The Big Thud

. I never bring up pedophile priests as there's no better way to bring a social situation to a Big Thud than to mention the topic on which ...

CITYOFANGELS12.BLOGSPOT.COM

Making myself laugh out loud

I often make myself laugh out loud as I sit here in my room alone working. Like just now, I was thinking of how beautiful and seductive I still am even though I'm almost seventy. 
I could go up to a guy and say, “Hey, want a lap dance? Just be careful I have arthritis in my hips.” 
That thought passed through my head and then I sat here laughing and laughing and laughing.

When the Bible says Israel, it does not mean a sliver of land created in WW2

I wonder if the Vatican Monk who found, translated, edited, and added to the Bible the passage about God giving land to Israel is still around in some spirit form to see how twisted that passage has become now in global politics. 
Yes, American Christians, the Bible is a compilation of writings gathered by Monks in the Brand New Vatican around the year Three Hundred AD, The idea that the Bible was “written by God” is an amazingly successful PR job.
The Bible is a compilation of writings by humans about God that was edited and published by monks who were assigned to the project after Constantine rode into Rome with a bunch of thugs holding giant crosses and claimed the nation for Jesus.
Two thousand years of repetition can truly twist the truth. There's no heresy in what I say, I'm not even denying there is a God. I'm saying the Bible was compiled by Vatican monks, it does not have the mystical powers humans give it, in fact that "mysticism" is a blatant form of manipulation by powerful leaders.
If the Bible does say Israel belongs to the Jews, it wasn't referring to a sliver of land created after World War 2. 
"God is not a real estate agent." I just heard an interviewee say on Richard Engel's report from Jerusalem tonight on NBC as I wrote this.
Man, humans, when are you going to start using the brains "god" gave you!?